oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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