rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
