The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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