No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
