When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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