and i looked up. we had an audience...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
