I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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