are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
