You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
