I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
