I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
