Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
