I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
where am i from again
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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