i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
