overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
