Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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