Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
