This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
