We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i drank out of a bidet.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
