So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do vagina's smell?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize