I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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