Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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