My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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