he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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