my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
