apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
