I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
