You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
