you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
