Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
