Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
