Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
