My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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