i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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