my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
