one two three fourrrrnication!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
