I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
