We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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