Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
