Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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