Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize