I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
