last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
