Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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