I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
