They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
