Tell her she can't have a vagina
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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