Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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