We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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