I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
