just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
