Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
