last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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