one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
