Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
