Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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