Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
