p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize