I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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