can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
