Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
