I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
