hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
