508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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