i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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