Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize