he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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