So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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