I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
