In the future we'll all be gay
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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