Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
