ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
