I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
