If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
