It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Use "feeling words"
Yay
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
