i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
