How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
