can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
