the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You pole danced in your parka.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
