okay pat passed out under dana's car
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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