She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
