Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Randomize