but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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