Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
