Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
