my vag is so smooth its legendary
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
