BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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